they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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