All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
