i just wanna soil my oats bro
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
