Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize