I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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