Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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