She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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