Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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