my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
