Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
