I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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