Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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