Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
