Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
