puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
