I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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