I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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