you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
