My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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