Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
