We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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