So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
