Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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