I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
