so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
