If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
