She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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