people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
