So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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