I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
