i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
