i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
