Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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