I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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