it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
