I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
