Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
