im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize