her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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