just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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