dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are the jesus of drinking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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