bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
