just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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