YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
