If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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