just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
