Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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