Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.