miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me