Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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