my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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