I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
