Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
