Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
