Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
