my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
