I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You're like the curious george of whores
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
