how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
