make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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