Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Randomize
