And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time