True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.