she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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