i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet