She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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