My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
